Criminal Intent?

We shared a blanket on the couch, while watching Criminal Intent. I was half-way paying attention to the episode; something about a father killing his family to ensure their entrance into the "Kingdom of Heaven". I was preoccupied with disappointment stemming from my failure to publish a post yesterday. Despite three attempts at writing something worthy of your time, and my effort, I came up empty.

During a commercial break, I thought of Megan's mother. A woman whom I completely adore and value in my life as a source of inspirational reminders; she's kind of like a walking fortune cookie filled with bible verses. She just knows what to say when I'm having a hard time. She recently helped me to quit smoking cigarettes, declaring that I was delivered from the evil of tobacco. I cringed as she decapitated each of the four remaining cigarettes I had left, while ignoring my pleas to leave me with one, in case of an emergency. The truth is, I wouldn't have made that choice, on that day, without her. And I'm better for it. Yesterday, I needed a dose of Ms. G's motherly support.

I mention to Megan that I considered sending this blog link to her mother (and brother). I'm not sure what response I was looking for. Maybe, "I know, Baby. But it's not the right time." Or,"Send it to her/them. We'll deal with the response together." I was not expecting Megan to get up from the couch, walk into the kitchen, and ask me an arbitrary question about...what did she ask me? I was puzzled. Had she heard me? Was I being dismissed?

When she crawled back under the covers, I took a deep breath and calmly asked, "Baby, why didn't you say anything when I said I considered sending the blog link to your mother?" Criminal Intent came back on, and maybe she was more interested in the episode than I was, but she simply responded, "Because, I understand why you consider sending it to her." That was it. I guess, technically, she answered my question. Maybe she did understand everything that was in my head around sending the link to Ms. G. Maybe she could feel my fear that the posts would be deleted without ever having a chance. Or, did she understand my hope that her mother would read my posts and, in time, accept me as the woman that is going to love her daughter forever? That she will be stuck with me, for the rest of my life, as her daughter-in-law.

Ms. G and I have a wonderful relationship and are oddly similar. She is truly interested in my love for aprons; I support her in her handbag purchase. We get our nails done together and buy each other cute trinkets. She tells me she loves me, and I believe her. Unfortunately, her beliefs will not allow her to support one of the most important step in Megan's life with me, our marriage.

What was Megan saying in her silence? I felt alone. Maybe she did, too. We said nothing more about it, and soon went to bed. She rolled over on her side; I draped my arm over her waist. I needed something to hold on to.